Skip to content

Advice Crush: Dear Boogie

August 4, 2010

Dear Boogie,

What do you do if you’re an advice columnist but no one is asking for advice? How do you help people who aren’t ready to help themselves? Is it better to give them advice you know they need, whether or not they ask for it? Because honestly, screw them. Those people need some serious help, and it’s their own fault if they’re not asking for it. Jerks.

John Dear Shabby

Dear JDS,

It’s true. Sometimes people insist on “making their own mistakes” and “living their own lives.” Don’t they know what’s good for them? Because I certainly do. In this day and age, where’s a girl to to cast a little judgment?

Luckily for us, there’s a little something called “the news.” Have you seen this new “news” show from ABC called What Would You Do? Check it out:

So the premise is that they set up these really dangerous fake situations and then shame people for not risking their lives getting involved! And then we at home get to sit in judgment, thinking we would definitely run into each situation like The Green Fucking Lantern. It’s the worst thing ever. And by that, I mean the best thing ever. If we’re lucky, the fear of public shaming will create a population full of unequipped, overzealous vigilantes. Think of the video footage that will be happening around us all the time!

I actually got a preview of next week’s episode: a sore-covered pitbull with AIDS is bilking an adorable old lady out of her life savings. Just as things couldn’t get any worse, the pitbull signs LeBron James to a multi-year $5 billion contract to play for the New York Yankees and also rape orphan ducklings.. What would you do, you pathetic immoral weakling?

Soundtrack to your misery: The Sneaks “Price of Good Advice”

Need your lives judged for public consumption? Hit him up at

One Comment
  1. leave pit bulls out of this.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: