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Advice Crush: Dear Boogie

September 15, 2010


Dear Boogy,

Ime a very bade speller. Sumtimes peeple make funn of my speling and it herts my feelings so I TIPE LOWDER LIEK THIS!!! WHY DO PEEPLE CARE SO MUTCH ABOUT SPELING AND STUF?! EVERYTEM I WRITE ON WEBSITES PEEPLE MAKE FUNN OF ME AND SAY YOUR STOOPID, LERN TO SPEL!!!! ANDWUT IS GRAMMER?

– Dick Shun Error

Dear DSE,

Ah, this is refreshing. The letters have been way too intelligent and heartfelt lately. It’s good to hear from a good old-fashioned stupid person.

Dumb people. They seem to be everywhere these days, don’t they? If they’re not writing me misspelled letters, they’re burning Korans or giving themselves nicknames like “Snooki.” Idiots idiots, everywhere we look. Doesn’t it seem like we are living in the all time height of stupidity?

And yet science tells us a different story. In a trend called the Flynn effect, we are actually gaining approximately 10 IQ points on average every decade. That’s right – people are actually getting SMARTER. So how do we reconcile that as a society we’re getting smarter but everyone seems so much more moronic? The way I see it, there are two explanations:

1) Science is wrong. (This is what the stupid people believe.)
2) We are smarter but the dumber people have gotten way way louder.

Thanks to the internet, cable news, and the Alaskan electorate, dumb people have many megaphones through which they can echo in the halls of our brains. I vaguely remember a time in which dumb people had the common decency to be embarrassed about it. Now, dumbness seems to be a point of pride.

A lot of my smartypants friends (usually located in Cambridge) get worried that all the loud dumb people on the teevee and the interweb will influence the large masses of dumb people to do dumb things like vote the wrong (non-Cambridge) way. How do we stop the loud dummies from influencing the poor unsuspecting (non-Cambridge) dummies to be so dumb and non-Cambridge-like?

We don’t. Personally, I like my beer cold, my homosexuals flamboyant, and my dumb people shamelessly mouthy. Ideas are at their most dangerous when they are secret. People worry that the wrong type of messages are getting glorified in the press. One man’s “glorified” is another man’s “exposed.” I’d rather have the horrible stupidity spewed by Koran-burning preachers right there in public for us all to see than happening secretly in some back room church. That’s when things get downright dangerous.

So let your stupid flag fly, DSE. Keep the dumb a-coming. It reminds us not to hire you to program our websites, do our taxes, or fulfill our very complicated brunch orders. Because I don’t care for pancakes and I like me some substitutions.

Soundtrack to your misery: The New Dumb “Renaissance Men” (download)

Got something smart to say, smartalec? Drop a line to Brendan at dearboogie@bostonbandcrush.com or fill out the totally anonymous (and very smart) submission form below:

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