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Advice Crush: Dear Boogie

February 23, 2011
Disclaimer: The advice provided by Brendan Boogie does not necessarily reflect the opinions of Boston Band Crush management. Brendan totally thought Tuesday was Monday.

Dear Mr. Boogie,
How does one go about getting a song out of one’s head? I don’t mean an original song, as I am not a musician. It is particularly irksome when one does not actually know the lyrics to the song, and so has creatively interpreted lyrics racing through one’s head on an endless loop, plus the knowledge that those are not really the words. Kind of crazy making. Suggestions, other than listening to another song, would be very welcome.
Sincerely,
Lupe

Dear Lupe,

Really? This is the biggest problem you’ve got? A song in your head? You are wasting my talents, Lupe. I need someone with some real problems, like Charlie Sheen. Sadly, Charlie Sheen is not in the habit of writing me letters. But I think he needs my advice anyway, so I’m going to give it to him.

Dear Charlie Sheen,

First of all, let me just say that I regularly enjoy your program Two and a Half Men and unlike a lot of people I am not afraid to admit it. Two and a Half Men is the Kings of Leon of television shows. I don’t understand the backlash against them. Both wildly popular and yet everyone I’ve ever met claims to passionately hate them. I can’t for the life of me figure out why. Neither of them are works of high art, but it’s a pretty good show and a pretty good band. Don’t get all the hate.

Now, what I DO understand is the appeal of your bad boy lifestyle. The drug-induced hotel trashing, writing $30K checks to porn stars, going to “rehab” at your house – it’s a good deal if you can get it. But… you’re aware that you’re going to die soon, right? You’ve been partying like Keith Richards since 1984 and you, sir, are no Keith Richards. So stop it before you suffer dire consequences.

But wait – you make like $2 million an episode. There is not enough coke or porn stars or hookers or rehabs in Beverly Hills to even make a dent in your vast TV fortune. And as long as you don’t actually hurt anyone, you can probably avoid any sort of legal ramifications. You’re rich and famous and have no consequences for your self-destructive behaviors. Nothing anyone can say or do will convince you to stop destroying yourself. Damn, that must be frustrating for your loved ones. Hmmm…

Dear Charlie Sheen’s Loved Ones,

Sucks to be you guys. Seriously. Famous or not, watching someone you care about destroy themselves is a helpless, awful feeling. But the reality is that the only way someone is going to stop anything that feels good is that if there are consequences. If you take away access to his money (as his dad President Bartlett is apparently trying to do), he’ll just find cheaper drugs, cheaper hotels, and cheaper hookers. If you test his urine, he’ll buy someone else’s. You can’t love someone into being sober.

No, the only person’s behavior you can change is your own. And if you’ve ever seen the show Intervention (which is NOT the Kings of Leon of television, it’s more like the Amy Winehouse of television – you know its really good, but it’s too tough to watch to be actually “enjoyable”), you’ll notice that the message isn’t “you have to change” but “as your loved ones, we’re going to change OUR behavior; we’re going to stop doing all the things that were enabling your behavior; we’re whistling a different tune.” Because the only way to get the same old tune out of your or someone else’s head is to try singing a new one.

Soundtrack to your misery: Destry “Sing My Song”

http://bandcamp.com/EmbeddedPlayer/track=4062833997/size=venti/bgcol=FFFFFF/linkcol=4285BB//

You know what was a good Charlie Sheen movie? Young Guns. Oh, you should also write to Brendan at dearboogie@bostonbandcrush.com or fill out the decadent but anonymous submission form below:

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